My life revolve around women. I'm not sure what is going to be easier.
Writing in here or writing as a father. Lust will be the topic of this
section.
Lately, I have been imagining this one lady, we'll call her light skin
Gemini Love. I have no idea why I have been day dreaming about her in
tank tops, with no bra on. Lawd Geesus, a pair of great breast. I
shouldn't be thinking about them the way I have been but I find myself
not being able to help myself but to picture or reminisce about her
being in a tank top. Let's not mention that I'm not sure if she has
bottoms on or not. I couldn't really tell you. In one vision she has
none on and in other visions it's just panties.
Besides lusting over this woman, there is a lot of nice looking young
women where I work. Amazing artistry of black women painted through out
the building of where I work. And not to mention the women that I
actually work with inside my job. I haven't had real lustful thoughts
about anyone of them yet but I can see it happening one day. I already
have a few crushes on some of the women at my job. Geesus!
Whelp, I can really get carried away but I really need to go to sleep.
But I have a quick confession. I'm starting to lust after white women.
Seen a few ASMR videos on YouTube and I'm like, I might can do this.
I will not use names in this section but I will use my own creations
for this journal. I will end it on this note but I will be back in this
journal later. Because I think of women and have countless women
friends. I will always have something to put in this journal. Maybe
every hour on the hour. But since I work, I'll probably only have a few
times where I can come in here and unload.
I love, lust women, they are perfect creations and perfect beings even
if I don't like one of them. At one point in time she was able to make
me feel a certain way even I never liked her character. Sad, I know it.
But I think, women will always be my addiction.
June 29th, 2018 @ 1:48am
September 20, 2018 @ 4:31pm
I'll have periods where every woman I see, lustful desires to fill my
brain. Just living and witnessing the beauty that God blessed women
with, extremely excites me. I don't intend to make women to be just
objects in life and I try to treat them accordingly. However I always
stand in admiration of the beauty that these women posses. The power
that they hold is undeniable. Just being close to them sets me in
euphoric mood. These periods is usually women seem most attracted to me.
Maybe that is the universe is pushing me to mate and making it in away
that this time will happen. But me, I sit and repress these feelings and
just write, or talk, or both never doing what the universe intends for
me to do. Yea, I just laughed to myself to. Just trying to understand
these periods of opportunity.
Welp I have to close this up because my lunch time is already up and I
only had 15 minutes to write my thoughts on my lustful nature.
September 20, 2018 @ 4:42pm
September 26th, 2018 @ 4:42pm
I will always will be single because I'll never be able to click with
that one woman. I'm not sure if I even should be in a relationship. My
admiration of women is just to great. Just the variety of women that God
placed here on earth, the quality, the characters, all are very
intriguing to me. With all that said, I still have these incredible
crushes on some women that I can see giving everything up for. However
when I do get with these women, things never go right.
Whether it's my character, or my unaffectionate ways, or the fact that
I am unlike any other men in they life. It's always something that they
can't get passed. And since all women not the same I can never get the
same issue. I'm either too childish, too friendly (flirtatious), too
mean, too something. And if it was anything I find the crazy ones that
had some personal issues that didn't allow them to trust me.
I guess I could date all my life. This would actually be fun. Date and
never worry about locking in. My daughter is nearly on her way to
college and I could focus on having fun. Make memories, this was my
child hood philosophy. Date and flirt, do it, even when I'm in my
hundreds. Not making babies though. No worries about messing up. No
worries about how much fun I'm having. No worries about anything.
Oh you so gorgeous, so fine, lets get dinner and wine. Conversation
over music, slight touches, hand placement is key. Travel the world and
enjoy great company. This would be the life with you and me.
September 26th, 2018 @ 4:58pm
October 2nd, 2018 @ 10:30am
I have such a lustful nature.While on the bus and writing a short
story, a woman with a black dress, short dress, clinging to her body I
immediately had thoughts of introducing myself to her. Which in turn
made me think about this journal, which in turn made me think about the
women at work, which in turn made me really decide to put something in
here on this day. I know, that's a lot. Insert short giggle. Any way,
for me to find being single a lot easier than being in a relationship, I
constantly find myself seduce by the beauty of women. The need to have
them in presence. Yearning to see what our chemistry will and would be.
It's a wonder, how I am always faithful. Physically anyway.
I think it's partly because I don't like the frustration of
relationships, that why I am glad to have and to continue to have the
relationship that I form. Letting each and everyone know just who I am.
Even if it's at a slow clip. I think that's part of the intrigue with
me. I'm not entirely sure though. I never really truly figured it out.
Why I am able to still attract, keep, and form relationships with women
that knows I have no true intention with being with them for long term.
It could be they have no intention either and could have other motives
for maintaining the relationship.
On another note, I have the ability to sense women's sexual energy.
This excites me, it could be a women's pheromones that grab me. It might
not be my senses but whatever it is, I could feel it more with certain
women I come across. And this lady with the black dress definitely has a
strong sexual energy emanating from her aurora.
October 2nd, 2018 @ 10:47am
October 9th, 2018 @ 1:09am
It's late night or early morning, however you choose to see it. I am
still feeling the effects of my hormones moving about. The need to have
her beside me. The lust building every time, I take a moment to pause.
Xvideos calling my name to search for the unsearchable. To seek out a
scenario that will tease me, having me need her even more. Seduction has
been the thing that has always enticed me. That, and being teased are my
number one lustful thoughts. Wanting something that I can't have.
Needing something that is just out of my reach. Unspeakable thoughts,
and in this case unwriteable thoughts creep into my brain. Wanting to
say and do things that I should not do. What will I watch tonight.
Something so nasty that I can't admit to the world the things I would do
to her. So nasty I can't even admit it to myself.
I don't know what I'm about to do but I know it's late. I'll probably
watch a video or two. Resist the urge of relieving myself. Tease myself
until I fall asleep or be disappointed by the videos I'll find. Another
that could happen is that I get turned off by something that I see. My
mind and body is funny like that. I get turned off very easily. I'll see
or hear something that I don't like. I guess that's the only hope for
tonight. As I get ready to lay down so I can get up for work in the
morning. I sit here writing my tales (struggles) of sexual fantasies and
watching porn videos late at night thinking about the things I would do
to her. At this point there as been several women that has graced my
thoughts, but one woman has really dominated my fantasies. Her sexual
nature satisfies my thirst. She comes, always, at the right moment.
Well, I don't want to continue dropping these lines throughout the
night/morning. Writing has not helped to curb my lust or curiosity of
watching videos tonight. So, with that being said. Good night
October 9th, 2018 @ 1:23am
October 24th, 2018 @ 8:23pm
I just seen the most amazing woman I've ever seen. And I mean
physically gifted, blessed in an area that I didn't think would make me
look twice. I couldn't help, (currently doing it as I write) but to keep
looking back at this artistically, visual, blessing of a physical
beauty. I'm so in love right now that I can't even write properly. Thank
you God for this life. I'm so easily pleased. And tonight just shows the
many blessings this world offers.
October 24th, 2018 @ 8:28pm
November 19th, 2018 @ 10:21am
I saw a meme today or a post. I'm not sure what you would call it.
However I was on instagram and saw this post that made me think about my
ex. Who I'm currently involved with. It made me think about her because
we do all the things that most people would consider relationship things
but we are not in a relationship. This partly my fault. Correction, all
my fault. I'm in between thinking. I don't know if I want the commitment
but I love all the pleasantries.
The crazy part is that I was just telling her that we need to
communicate when I move but it now appears to me that we need to
communicate now. I need to let her know how I feel. Even if the feeling
is undecided. Give her a chance to guard her heart. I've been completely
honest all the way up to this point. I can find all the excuses in the
world to wait but then that would be dishonest. I might need to give her
the opportunity to make that decisions if she wants to talk about it or
not.
I kind of just rambled at the end there but I wanted to end this by
showing you the post that made me think about my actions.
November 19th, 2018 @ 10:31am
November 19th, 2018 @ 11:07am
I hit up an old friend this morning. I just hit her to wish her a
happy birthday. She's married, so I have no ill intent, but apparently
she didn't save my number and now is wondering who hit her up. The
scorpion in me just want to tell her just accept the happy birthday and
move on. The old friend in me want to say some off the wall shit. I'm
not sure who will win out but I can use this opportunity to promote my
website. I doubt she'll figure it out or maybe she will. There is a poem
on here that she does know. Maybe I'll take that route.
It is funny however, that there was a point when we talked she said
that I never check on her. I send her a happy birthday and she is
wondering who it is. I should just let her wonder for eternity, never
telling her. And send her a happy birthday on a messenger. If I could
put an emoji, I would of put the laughing tear emoji. I'm so difficult.
November 19th, 2018 @ 11:14am
November 26th, 2018 @ 8:59pm
I finally understand my situation, my position, my inability to make a
decision. I can only be me and I can't force anything, especially at
this age. I noticed it doesn't matter how much I'm feeling or how much I
might want something. If I'm not ready I no longer just do something
just to do it. I don't know if I can do the relationship thing but I
know I can control what I do and how I do it. If someone wants me to be
in relationship with me they gonna have to wait till I'm ready.
November 26th, 2018 @ 9:02pm
December 4th, 2018 @ 8:55pm
I'm wondering if we (Men)are really created to procreate. I noticed
that since I've gone a week without sex that I have urges that drive me
to women. Women that I'm attracted too, I now want to get just a little
closer too. I noticed I'm a little more friendlier as well. I'm
beginning to think these are the moments that I find myself introducing
myself a little more, becoming a little more poetic. I'm probably a
little more attractive as well cause I notice women are a little more
closer than normal. Find me a little more funnier than usual. I just
realized this could all be in my mind, boosting my confidence a few
extra decibels. Making me the best version of me. This version will
exist until I finally mate. This explains all my battles when I was
younger and why I felt the need to talk to women every time I was in
need. It all makes sense now.
December 4th, 2018 @ 9:02pm
December 4th, 2018 @ 10:10am
Some women you connect differently with but the connection be so
strong make you wonder if they the ones that you are supposed to be
with. This thought made me think about all the women I ever connected
with. There are some women that the connections are so much stronger
than other women. You feel it, it's different too. There are some women
there is no connection but you can feel their heat. You only feel it
when you in there vicinity. It makes me wonder if the women I feel
connected to or feel the heat from, do they feel the same. Can they feel
the heat or do they feel that connection. Is this what draws us
together? This question, I guess, will never get answered honestly
though.
December 4th, 2018 @ 10:21am
December 17th, 2018 @ 4:36pm
This will be something quick that I have to get off my chest. So many
fine women in this world and my lustful nature is at an all time high.
Probably because I haven't had sex in over a week.
Some of the women in my job is looking all so good right now too. I
would never put myself in a situation and sleep with none of them but it
sure good as hell to fantasize. Some of them don't even know it either.
I done had sex with many of them in my mind. Some dirty nasty things
too! Oh my mind is just to damn mental. I'm going straight to hell!
December 17th, 2018 @ 4:39pm
February 4th, 2019 @ 11:06pm
Usually I'm looking at a women I find extremely attractive. I'm just
lusting away. This time, however, is quite different. I had an extremely
flirtatious woman call in to my job today. It was her nature that really
caught my attention however. She was very aggressive with the way she
operated in her flirting. I took a liking to it. If this was different
circumstances I would have said my piece and we really could of vibed on
the phone. She was not subtle though and so therefore I could not allow
myself to join in on the conversation. I'm king of subtle by the way.
You wouldn't know it by my writings but I have a way of making you think
I'm talking about it but I would very well deny it or I could be talking
about it and you wouldn't even catch it. Except for the person who it
was intended for and sometimes she's not sure if I'm doing it. She just
assume that I am and join in or sit there and wait for confirmation.
February 4th, 2019 @ 11:11pm
March 2nd, 2019 @ 5:51pm
There are times that the relationship thing crosses my mind and I'll
think it is a good idea. Then when those thoughts come in, I immediately
think that this can be a deterrent to my current goal. Then there are
times that I think about the other things in life and how relationships
can damage the joy you have about life. I don't know if I would ever be
able to commit to being in a relations and deal with all the troubles
that it bring. So my whole thing is try to remain as honest as I can be.
Give that other person the choice to deal or not deal with me.
March 2nd, 2019 @ 5:54pm
March 2nd, 2019 @ 5:55pm
Just wanted to make one note about sexual relationships. I'm not sure
how many of these you can have but I finally met that one that sex is
just so amazing that, that alone can make me finally settle down and be
in a relationship.
If you are wondering, yes, I just finished one of the most amazing
sessions of my life. But I feel like we routinely have these sessions.
That's probably why we can't leave each other alone. I don't understand
but I do get it.
March 2nd, 2019 @ 5:58pm
March 12th, 2019 @ 8:30pm
I feel like the most creative moments in my life are when I have a
strong desire to appease my eyes with artistic views of women.
March 12th, 2019 @ 8:31pm
April 13th, 2019 @ 10:05am
At this moment, at this time, I'm starting to feel or wonder, if I
actually believe in love. When I say love, I mean in the romantic way. I
don't believe I have the capability to be all in on Love. It would
appear that I would be but in all actuality, I'm not. The slightest
thing can make me yearn for my time alone. And most likely wish it even
more.
Even after knowing or learning about this. I will certainly be in a
new relationship 3 or 4 years down the line. Why? Because I love the
company of a woman, the conversation, the art form, the attraction, and
most of all the sex. I just don't know how to successfully be in a
relationship.
April 13th, 2019 @ 10:11am
May 12th, 2019 @ 6:21pm
Just when you think you solved the problem with developing feelings
beyond crushing. You connect in a way you haven't connected in a while.
Now I'm yearning to know who she really is. I think about her often. I
could use these new found feelings and let it turn into creative writing
and produce some fresh new poems.
The crazy part is that she really isn't my type. I guess I'm at that
age that physical doesn't carry that much weight anymore.
May 12th, 2019 @ 6:31pm
May 14th, 2019 @ 9:08pm
I'm working on one of my novels and I'm finding it hard to
concentrate. My sex drive seems to be increasing. I find myself lusting
even more than I have ever in a long time. I feel like I'm in my early
thirties the way my penis keeps talking to me.
I'm not searching but I find myself having a few "potential" mates
that I would love to get to know. One even offered to give me her
number. I'm thinking about taking it. Not sure what type of conversation
I could have with her but it is one I'm interested in having. She's not
the only one that I want to have constant conversations with. I do have
to say that I don't ever really see myself having a successful
relationship with her though. Technically, I don't successful
relationships anyway. So what's the harm of adding another potential
failure.
Anyway, I will go to work tomorrow and strike up a conversation with
her and get her number. And we'll see where it will go from there.
May 14th, 2019 @ 9:16pm
May 26th, 2019 @ 12:14am
I'm so lost right now. I thought I didn't want a relationship, yet, I
find myself yearning for three potential women. How is this possible.
But here is the kicker, I'm afraid of giving up on my ex. Partly due to
the sexual satisfaction she gives me. I have no clue if these other
women would do the things that she do.
My mind is a distraction from the fact that I have work that I need to
do. Relationships just ruin those things if I decide to ask anyone of
them out on a date. I've had my chances and I always got it wrong. Why
begin the chase all over again? I'm trying to do something for myself
this time with my business and my writing career.
So consciously, it looks lime I'm choosing my ex. There is nothing
wrong and if she ever did leave me, it would be something expected.
That's what she always do. That's partly why I haven't committed myself
to her. Just enjoy the sex while it last. Work and enjoy the pleasures.
Sounds about right.
August 20th, 2019 @ 9:51pm
Man, something happened unexpectedly today. My breath was taken away
by this beauty. I guess, I'll always be a man. I will never escape
putting myself in danger of finding a relationship. I got problems. She
was fine though and well worth the heart fluttering and having that
exhilarating feeling of wanting to find out more. I guess I can't help
it. I'm a conversationalist. I'm well rounded and can speak about
anything and she has no idea she just gained a work place friend.
