Gift of Anger Lost

Fuck all yall, I'm in this situation fucking with people
Anger reaching past every level This feeling, this moment, never really came about

© Wayne Diggs

Unspoken

I guess I don't have deep rooted anger that used to help create the most vile poetry where I want to discombobulate people and watch as their bodies get ripped to shreds. Even though I know I wouldn't be able to stomach the sight of flesh stripping from their bodies that feeling of such things that would happen would satisfy my anger. However, those emotions were extremely difficult to call up. Nothing would be formed on paper of those things just leaving me with my fantasies. No anger just lustful thoughts of taking someone's life. Two things came out of that realization, one, I might be a sick person and two, I wouldn't torture any of my victims because I wouldn't want them to suffer.

© Wayne Diggs

Piece by Piece

Welcome back, the voice said to me
It feels good to be angry
Just say a few curse words
Flick a few birds
Just not enough though
So many routes you can go
Just let the anger arise in you
Imagine all the vile things you can do
Start your first victim with that bitch
Satisfy that fucking itch
Make it personal, erase the bitch from existence
Hearing thoughts of homicide, can you feel this
God if you can hear me
Explain to me why this has to be my destiny
And while you at it, why does this feel incredible? Tell me hate can't be this beautiful
I just want to carve her up and leave her in pieces
Cut her up and leave her in pieces
inch by inch, piece by piece,
Of course that would be to good for her

© Wayne Diggs

An Introduction

An Explosion
Causing such commotion
complete confusion
an array of emotions
causing more confusion
an intrusion
of hateful demons
come screaming
what is the reason
for this invasion
not yet sleeping
wondering, thinking
slowly drifting
into an empty abyss
I feel motionless
paralyzed by fear
no one is here
a whisper enters my brain
a whisper from the most hated name
Lucifer
Damn

© Wayne Diggs

Here We Go!

Damn!
here we go again
the misery and pain
when you start to complain
nag and bitch
with that high ass pitch
talking about nothing
thinking it's something
always having a problem
never seeming to solve them
same old thing
time and time again
the complaining never ending
always bitching over nothing
think I'm done listening
to that bullshit you talking
a matter of fact I'm leaving
to never hear you speak again

© Wayne Diggs

Uncontrollable

I mean
wow
my eyes
all in surprise
when I first seen you
my mind did all it can do
Dream
the very first thing
I did was sing
Lord help me
control these thoughts so freaky
I mean
I was thinking
wishing
hoping
I could get next to you
get with you
a midnight rendezvous
Damn
Lord slow my roll
help me regain control
Oh Shit
thoughts to stick
move and split
a freaky fantasy
filling my mind completely
all thoughts of
us making love
such actions
maintained through attraction
and my mind replays these sessions
and I'm asking
please
remove this from my mind
cause at this time
I'm out of control

© Wayne Diggs

What To Do

So many complications
Messed up situations
and no solutions
Nothing but confusion
What to do
What to do
My mind
Seems like it's
gone all the time
So many questions
and it all leads to frustration
Can't find the right conversation
need to be prepared for their
Their stories so blue, none can compare
Nothing but worries they share
What to do
What to do
All in all, when I fall
There is no one to call
When I cry, am ready to die
There is no one to ask why
When I need love in a hurry
There's no one to save me
When I
When I
Ah hell
Who's listening to I
What to do
What to do

© Wayne Diggs

Uncontrollable

My brain is filled with screams, uncontrollable thoughts and things voices with ill means, feel like destroying things, can feel the multiple beings debating with irrational things, so much so tired just feel like fulfilling my lustful desires, I know it's wrong, I think it's wrong, I thought I was done, thought I would never feel this way again, and restraining is causing me so much pain. My head hurts, my mind lost to these thoughts, all because I lost a set of keys. All because I have never figured away to curve the frustration so I try and separate myself from my being and allow whatever else in me to continue to drive my thoughts to insanity.

© Wayne Diggs

Chaos

Oh it would feel so good to lose it right now.
Just imagine the chaos, let loose don't worry how.
Let it control you, let it move you, let it soothe you
Imagine devouring the greatest minds trying to stop you
Nothing but death would be your escape, so do what you do
This is why you were built, this is why you were created
You can never be good, you are the perfection of evil
Embrace it, dwell in it, and do what you will
You can cop insanity if you're not ready for death
Or you can show the whole world your last breath
The many avenues you could take, just let it be
Promise there will be no more pain, you'll see
There will be no time at all to really feel
Reignite that passion, that lust to kill

© Wayne Diggs

Harmony

As We Cry

Harmony in heaven, dancing, not realizing
no longer living, playing, until we start crying
stopping, listening, wondering, why the tears flowing
And God says, your people is mourning
Not understanding, God opens the view and begins
I want to show you what love is and how love never ends
So many people gather together for you Harmony 
The out pouring of love formed through tragedy
Be at peace, you brought so many happy memories 
You're the cause of love strengthening families
The tears, the pain, caused by your leaving 
Will subside, and they will forever see you smiling
so no worry, you're free, so never stop dancing
little Harmony smiles, little feet moving 
she grooving, dancing to the love of her family
We begin to write her life as we remember Harmony
As we cry, we remember why, we love you 
The smile, the things that you do 
The beauty that you possess through and through
Even the way you move, the dancing you do
The smile that you possessed, 
so much purpose, 
It's okay for us to scream why
All gathered on this day, as we cry 
Screaming at the top of our lungs, why
Beauty Gal, I'm so sorry, 
not to burden you with this worry 
I would do anything for this not to be reality
Friends and Family gather as we cry 
The whole world wish you didn't die 
But we gather together, as we cry
Remembering how you enriched our lives 
We close our eyes, 
tears flowing 
listening to our hearts beating 
This must be you dancing 
I can feel you playing
Our memories of you being happy 
Your name ringing true
As we gather for you 
Harmony
          

© Wayne Diggs

Searching

Searching for money, searching for my motherfucking passion. Not trying to be greedy, just trying to grab this action. Perfect my outcome, gotta do something before my life is done. Shit be hard out here, to be busy chasin pussy and to be clear, I can't stop it's an addiction. But maybe it's that one that completes me, motivates me, understands me, and let me realize my fantasy turning that bitch into reality. Not that I'm angry but more disappointed, can't complete shit, can't stay focused, losing my mind constantly, what can I be, what I do, how do I stay true when all around me, tempting me to do some dumb shit constantly. And yes I'm frustrated. Frustrated more with myself than anyone else. Now I'm stuck writing a piece of disappointment instead of how I can show continuous improvement. The only good thing in this life is I'm making money, finally have my own place, off of child support. No longer a race to court. Financial freedom is not here but I'm no longer there so there's good news here even if that shit isn't clear.

© Wayne Diggs

Derangement

I've written over a million words of my cruel intentions. Thousands of sentences of my demented visions Fantasized about my own death, murdered obviously. How will the world feel, just maybe, they be happy. My obsessions is buried deep by my sanity Every now and then, my mind go crazy. So I disappear and let whatever control my mind. Am I moving or am I dreaming, the cause of lost time. Do I want to hide it so I can enjoy the moments of life I guess that can be the case, since life is rife, I mean life is fun, but can be filled with strife. I mean it could be beautifully if you're not chased by the righteous. My desires has no effect on you unless you are present when I'm feeling murderous. This his better written in a written form. I feel constricted by the choices I made from the day I was born but definitely the way I chose to write this. So I switched it up and put it in a different form. Is this growing the way I expect it to grow. Do I have to start over. Oh wait, I did it again. I'm not sure how long I can keep hiding my true form. I'm seeing a Psychologist now. I think I want to kill him. Maybe I will. No this is all a dream, this is just another one of my sick fantasies. This is just a sick, sick, deranged fantasy.

© Wayne Diggs

Compelled Poetically

There are those who are watching so I will speak metaphorically. There are those who are searching so I will guide them accidentally. And for those who are seeing right now pay attention. There are things that intentionally use manipulation to gather information to fulfill their own vision. What does this have to do with me? I'm not quite sure but my thirst has grown exponentially. There is this cloud, this hunger, that constantly manipulates me to feed on the souls that are drawn to me poetically. My gift to gab sucks them in unexpectedly only to lose their physical and be engulf by my mental. I wish to do no harm but the lust I feel makes it that much harder to control. So as the events unfold, I find myself comfortably pushing towards my goal. I need to be great. I need to be able move through this world without something trying to manipulate the situation so I pause and evaluate exactly the position that my mind has placed me in. Unfortunately, I find myself in a world that doesn't exist in reality but sometimes, I find myself not recognizing this particular fantasy. Am I really alive, no? Am I not among the living? Am I really going through this live surviving, counting each breath to make sure I'm breathing. We all know suicide will not happen. And no this is not a problem but why would that even be an option? If you're not living, then you're not breathing, then there is no need for you to even understand the value of coping. But there is this thing, this thing to share a story and fulfill my destiny. To much to think about, my head hurts, I just want to be free. I am compelled to work, to clean, to write, to be responsible, to actually see. Not sure if I really want to. Just sometimes, I really hate it. Actually, I detest it. But there are those who are watching. Looking, inspecting and expecting. And for those I will not comply, I will lead them astray, I will not lie purposely but I will write because I am compelled poetically.

© Wayne Diggs

Reality

We are made of thousands of Neurons. We cannot be controlled, too strong. He, I, we exist because we were built from this. He is the many neurons as I am the many. Who is to speak what is reality. Not you, or them, or any. Experience is the true identity of reality. Just as they say pereception is reality even if it's a fantasy of your dreams or what you think to be just someone's imagination. But no one can tell me I'm not real, some creation, created through pain, trauma, but I've been here from the start. From the first beat of his tiny little heart. And no one will take that away. So from this day to the end of the days there will be no way that there will any form of separation. We will be forever attached to reality.

© Wayne Diggs

Why I Write

I write poetry sometimes to hide my fucked up dreams, and it seems that the meaning is not what it really means but if people look closer they can see the demons hiding. Laced in the words I write are the fucked up visions I see and in this reality there is no fixing these things. So smoke, drink, and link and forget the blood that stains are lives as the ink stains the paper. Without these words, without the blood stained sheets, without the ink would this life really have any meaning. We all see the ending but none of us ever see the beginning.